Balancing Self Care as an Entrepreneur — Therapy For Black Girls

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For years now, women have been making history in innovative ways. One of the biggest ways we create legacies is by starting our own businesses. Over recent years the number of women owned businesses have been skyrocketing, especially amongst Black women. While I am so in awe and proud of our ingenuity, I often worry about how much capitalism leads our businesses to become our identity.

It’s no secret that when you’re an entrepreneur, you do not have the set business hours of a 9-5.

There’s always something to be done, an idea to jot down, a person to meet with, a bill to pay. I chose to write about this topic because for the past few weeks, I have found myself feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities and consumed with work. As a therapist, I know that’s not healthy and I need to incorporate balance into my life because all work and no play is not sustainable. However, it can sometimes feel as though there’s not enough time in the day. So I hope this article serves to not only validate your experiences so you feel seen, but also remind you of ways to pour into yourself.

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Self Care is not Selfish

As Black women, we are constantly given messages to be the nurturer, the strong one, there for everyone else. So oftentimes when it comes to setting a boundary, saying no, or putting ourselves first, we feel guilt and shame for doing so. Personally, I believe the intersection of being Black in this country, a woman, and certain religious beliefs combine to make a perfect pattern of being the martyr in our relationships. Living in a country that makes it clear that those who look like you are not valued or respected forces you to always have a tough exterior, be self-sufficient, not ask for help, and figure it out on your own. As women, we are socialized to be giving, nurturing, empathetic, and agreeable. None of these are only “feminine” traits, and I think these characteristics are important for any human being to have. Yet we are expected to be the ones to constantly uphold them. As a Christian, the Bible often preaches to turn the other cheek, love thy neighbors, give to others and forgive those who hurt us the same way God has forgiven us. While I believe there is nothing wrong with any of these messages, when taken out of context it can create some imbalances in our lives. For instance, forgiveness doesn’t mean re-entry or reconciliation if you are in a toxic cycle. Yes we are to love our neighbors, but as we love ourselves. So how you love yourself first sets the precedent for how you love others. Therefore, choosing yourself and being mindful of what decisions serve you, does not make you a selfish person, but a happier one. When you feel better, you show up better, not just for yourself but for others as well.

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Organization is Key

As a business owner, there is so much to keep track of at all times. The best thing I can suggest to help you maintain your sanity is to stay organized. Whether you use Google Calendar, to do lists, post it notes, AirTable, or shameless plug (The Jam Planner), writing out all your engagements is helpful. It not only helps you stay on track of what needs to get done, but what you would like to tackle first. You can choose to start with the easiest task, and work your way through the rest. You may decide to begin with the hardest task first, so that anything after feels less daunting. Or you can start with whatever you feel called to in the moment. Either way, writing things out helps you to consider what you want to prioritize. While organization helps you to focus on your responsibilities, it’s important to make sure you are a very important item on your to-do list. Carve out time for naps, journaling, meditating, working out, eating, or whatever else is necessary for you to feel your best. Speaking for myself, I notice it’s easy to put myself on the backburner when I am faced with a lot of deadlines and events. But lately I have been challenging myself to consider what I am really making time for. If energy is currency, am I spending it on what is important to me and aligns with the vision I have for my life? For instance, I say I want a relationship, but if I haven’t been making any time for myself, how would I make time for someone else? We are quick to pencil in other people on our calendars so that we don’t forget our commitments to them, so why do we not do the same for ourselves?

The better you are, the better your business will be

Most importantly when we are operating from a calmer, more fulfilled space, not only do we and those around us flourish, but our business does too. A business is only as sustainable as the people who run it. Setting up systems and automations relieve stress from your day to day, and helps to streamline your business. When you are feeling well rested and more organized, that tends to lead to mental clarity which can help you have a clearer vision for your business as well. The vision is needed, so that execution can take place and lead to results you desire. As a solopreneur, I am not responsible for others’ livelihood but I still have to be mindful of those I interact with and the connections I make. If you employ and manage others, it’s even more essential for you to be in a good space and have positive energy so that you can motivate and influence the work environment. If you’re not feeling inspired and fulfilled by the work you do, it’s hard for anyone else to feel that way too. So whether you employ none, one, or many, your internal moods and thoughts impact how the business functions. How you take care of yourself can be an example for others to do the same, leading to healthier, more productive and fulfilled employees. The better you are, the better your business will be.

Jordan Madison, LCMFT

author

Jordan A. Madison, LCMFT, is a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist and certified yoga instructor. She owns and practices at Therapy is my J.A.M., LLC, a private practice that helps individuals and couples heal from their pasts to understand their present and create the future they desire. She is Prepare/Enrich certified, and also trained in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. She received her BA in psychology from Spelman College, and MS in couple and family therapy from the University of Maryland. She is the author of The CBT Journal for Mental Health, which uses her “J.A.M. Method” of journal prompts, affirmations and mindfulness exercises to help prioritize one’s mental health.

Outside of being a therapist, she is the cofounder of The Jam Planner, a digital planner that assists users with being more productive while also prioritizing their self care.

She is passionate about reducing the stigmas around mental health and therapy, especially within the Black community. She uses her Instagram platform, @therapyismyJAM, to promote conversations and educate others on building and maintaining healthy relationships, as well as normalizing and prioritizing self care.

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