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“This whole grieving process is already taking too long! When will it be over already??” I feel you! The truth is, we can’t speed up the grief process. We’ve likely tried to do just that, by scrolling through grief content on social media, or pushing away those pesky emotions (hello sadness, anger, and fear) and telling ourselves it’s time to move on. However, real healing comes from taking the time to engage in four key areas. And yes, it does take time! Let’s break them down…
1. Feel all our feelings
Grief can bring up an array of strong emotions, from sadness and longing, to anger and resentment, or even moments of relief (which may be accompanied by guilt for feeling this way).
At times we might feel confused about what we feel, or maybe we feel numb and unable to feel anything at all. Grief is a deeply personal process, and your experience is unique.
There are no right or wrong feelings, and it’s essential to allow ourselves to feel whatever comes up for us. While our emotions may be intense and overwhelming at times, suppressing, minimizing, ignoring, or judging our feelings will only increase our suffering.
Give yourself permission to cry or not cry, to scream or sit in silence, or whatever other type of expression feels right to you. All of these responses are natural, valid, and an important part of the grieving process.
2. Meet ourselves with self-compassion
Speaking of judgment… We often judge ourselves harshly during times of personal pain, but this is the exact opposite of what we really need.
While we are grieving, imagine treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would extend to a close friend. We are a human being, and it’s ok to struggle and not always function at your best.
Try to be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to slow down, practice self-care, and rest. Practicing self-compassion will help you navigate your grief with more ease and resilience.
3. Accept that grief is a not a linear process
As much as we might yearn for a clear model for how grief will unfold, grief doesn’t follow a predictable path. We may find ourselves moving through different “stages,” such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (and many other possibilities) in no particular order.
At times we might cycle back to a stage we thought we had moved past. The non-linear nature of grief means there is no right or wrong way to “do” grief, and knowing this can help us bring more patience, acceptance, and trust to our own unique grieving process.
4. Let go of any preconceived notion of how long all this will take
I know, you’re still wondering “But how long WILL it take?” Unfortunately for those of us who want simple answers, there is no set timeline for grief. We already know that our grief journeys are unique, and your healing process will be unique to you, too.
Trying to stick to an arbitrary timeline can add extra pressure and stress to our lives (and frankly, who needs that?). While we are grieving, we may find that some days feel easier than others, while others can be very challenging – regardless of how much time has passed since the loss.
Give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace. If we approach our grief with self-compassion and care, we can rest assured that our experience WILL change over time.
Again, all of this takes time and requires slowing down in order to be fully present with our grief. This is why Walk-and-Talk Therapy can be such a great fit for people who’ve experienced a loss.
Many people start grief therapy after losing a loved one to death, but grief can include non-death losses, such as ambiguous loss (when the loss is ongoing, incomplete, or not clearly defined),loss of a relationship (through a breakup, divorce, or estrangement), loss of a job or home, or loss of health/ability (for example, getting a new medical diagnosis) or other types of loss.
Conclusion
Healing from grief takes time, but here’s the counter-intuitive part: By moving in Walk-and-Talk Therapy sessions, we’re actively engaging our bodies in a way that literally moves us forward (which feels so good if you’re the “doing,” future-oriented type) while at the same time being in nature in a way that helps us slow down enough to actually process our grief – which may in turn promote more rapid healing.
During Walk-and-Talk Therapy, we can learn to become more aware of thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the present moment, without judgment.
And by making space for the whole of your experience – the difficult stuff you’d rather not feel, the good memories you cherish, and all the weird and wonderful things happening all around you in the natural world – you may gradually notice a shift in how you relate to your grief.
You might find your perspective gets a little bigger, and that the pain of your loss can coexist with gratitude for all the good that’s right here, right now.
Are you ready to take the next step on your journey toward grief recovery? Click here to contact me.
Image description: photo of a road with “slow” sign in white painted letters leading to lake and clouds in the distance. Photo credit: Unsplash
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